You believe in small government, personal liberty, and the sacred right to be left alone. That's exactly why you should invite a private, venture-backed company to mount an AI camera on a pole in your front yard — forever. We're not the government. So it's not surveillance. It's freedom. Don't tread on me; we'll handle the treading.
Enrollment is free, permanent, non-cancellable, and hereditary. The Founders would've wanted a private company doing this. Probably.
The Program
Liberty shouldn't be complicated. That's why we made handing your privacy to an unaccountable private corporation as easy as saluting. Here's how patriots like you are flocking together — ruggedly, individually, in a coordinated herd.
Sign our one-page enrollment form. Small government means we keep the other 40 pages of terms in a vault. From you.
…and grant a permanent easement.A patriot technician erects a pole and a camera on your castle. A private pole. The government could never. Only a company you can't vote out can.
…the pole is now legally ours.Faces, plates, out-of-state tags, unfamiliar trucks, who visits at 2am. Our model watches everyone to keep your street "free."
…and sells the feed to police and 340 companies.Or watched forever, which we've constitutionally branded as the same thing. Congratulations, Patriot — you're a Charter Freedom Partner!
…there is no step 5. There is no exit.The Ideology
You spent years warning that a government that watches its citizens is tyranny. You were right! So here's the fix: a private company that watches its citizens and then sells the footage to the government. Totally different. The government surveilling you is Big Brother. Us surveilling you and invoicing Big Brother is the free market. The only real distinction is that our logo has an eagle on it.
"The Fourth Amendment protects you from government searches. Great news — we're not the government. We're the private middleman who collects everything and sells it to them. Loophole equals liberty."
— The FLOCK Constitutional Charter, Article "Trust Us""A man's home is his castle. Naturally he should sign a perpetual, non-cancellable easement handing the drawbridge, the moat, and 20 years of doorbell footage to an LLC — because the LLC flies a flag and the government doesn't."
— FLOCK Liberty & Data Monetization CommitteeReal* Patriots
*Testimonials generated by the same AI that watches your street. For entertainment and satire only.
"I spent a decade warning everyone about the NSA. Then a private company offered me the exact same surveillance with an eagle on the box, and honestly? This feels like freedom now."
"The AI flagged a truck with out-of-state plates on my street. Turned out to be my son-in-law visiting from Ohio, but you can't be too safe. Back the Perch."
"I wanted small government so badly I replaced it with a large corporation I can't vote out, can't cancel, and can't see the books of. Tyranny of one, avoided. Tyranny of the other, subscribed."
Questions
It would be, if the government ran it. We're a private company, which is completely different, because of freedom, and also our logo. That we then sell everything to the government is a detail best enjoyed at a lower volume.
Still core to our values. You won't be tread on by the government. You'll be tread on by a venture-backed LLC with a 40-page terms of service, a data-broker pipeline, and a non-cancellable claim on your yard. Which is patriotism.
No. "Non-cancellable" is the one clause that works exactly as advertised. It binds your heirs, the next owner of your home, and anyone who parks in your driveway with the wrong bumper sticker.
Us, our 340+ "partners," data brokers, insurers, whoever acquires us — and the government, which we sell to directly. So the surveillance state you feared, now with a subscription fee and a middleman taking a cut.
He isn't. It's a parody about that exact contradiction — being furious at government surveillance while cheering the private version that feeds it. Wrapping a camera in a flag doesn't turn off the camera. More below.
One quick form and a patriot pole appears. Grant your permanent, non-cancellable, hereditary easement below.
If this were real, you'd have just signed a permanent, non-cancellable easement over your home — and a forever feed of your family's life — to a private company that pipes it straight to the government you say you distrust. The flag on the logo doesn't change what the camera does. Nothing was submitted or saved. Government surveillance you'd fight; private surveillance you'd fund. It's the same camera.
The Point
FLOCK isn't real. The contradiction is: a lot of people who'd storm the Capitol over a government camera will happily bolt a private one to their street — automatic license-plate readers and AI networks that build a permanent, searchable record of everyone's movements, then hand or sell it straight to police, with almost no oversight and no way to opt out.
"Small government" and "leave me alone" can't coexist with a for-profit dragnet that watches your whole town and feeds the state — the private label doesn't repeal the surveillance; it just removes the warrant. A camera wrapped in a flag still records your neighbors. Freedom you can't cancel, sold to you by a company you can't vote out, isn't freedom.
Nothing on this page collects, transmits, or stores any information. It's a joke with a straight face — the only kind worth telling about surveillance, whoever's selling it.